Groot Marico and Afrikaaner Alternatives

Last weekend Janice and I decided on something of a whim to drive Groot Marico in North West Province (former Western Transvaal) for a ‘Biekie Bosman’ weekend – Bosman being the celebrated South African writer and poet, Herman Charles Bosman. And what a weekend it was. Groot Marico is essentially a two-street town, and allegedly one of only two towns in the entire country that still has a phone operator.

The weekend was organized by the local Literary Society, and took place on white-owned farms that run along the beautiful Marico river. This LitSoc group seems to represent a sort of alternative, hippified Afrikaanerdom that I hadn’t experienced before. One of our hosts, inappropriately named Egbert, looks like a character from Lord of the Rings: a long sinewy man, all arms and legs, with Gandalf-like grey beard and hair. He was perched mostly next to a collection of sizeable soot-coated kettles from which he produced honeybush tea and smoky coffee.

We went walking the first morning with one Koos Olivier to absorb the trees and plants of the riverine belt and the hills beyond. Afrikaaner/English divides were a running theme for the weekend, with Koos describing the enkeldoorn (ankle-thorn) acacia tree as ‘engelsdoorn’ (English-thorn), that is, good for nothing. We nibbled on the cardamom flavours of Berchemia discolor berries (tcindjere in West Caprivi) and saw one of the tallest Shepherd’s trees possible. Brunch was served later on the fire back at the farm – roughly ground locally-grown pap/sadza, onion and tomato relish, a mountain of scrambled eggs, cabbage with feta, and various other tasty delights.

Janice and I napped before taking a furtive skinny dip in the river, and then rushed to catch the afternoon convoy to a local mampoer farm, a few kilometers out of town. Made from fermented fruit, mampoer is a particularly strong home-brewed moonshine, also known as witblits in the Cape. Just in case we were looking for a stereotype, the farm owner was an imposing sjambok-wielding (yes) Afrikaaner with frighteningly blue eyes called Johann. After making a slightly uncomfortable scene around the prettiest girl in the group, he led us past a large barrel of fermenting marula fruit into his distillery barn, stressing that he only spoke English in self-defence. Between lecturing us on the distillation process and the much-debated origins of the term ‘mampoer’, he casually beat his dogs away from a Cape cobra that appeared amidst machinery a few metres away. Some of the more urban guests were suitably alarmed.

Thereafter we sat on the farmhouse veranda and sampled a variety of mampoers and liqueurs, served by the farmer’s somewhat XXY wife, with some of the dogs in the background (‘PH’ (Professional Hunter) and ‘PS’ (Pavement Special). One shot of mampoer was enough to get the entire group chattering rather excitedly, and we wondered what was to become of us after a few more. We were actually surprisingly fine. We equipped ourselves with bottles to take away, as well as homemade rusks and jams (the staples of any half-decent Afrikaaner pantry), and returned to the fireside for Bosman story-readings and stargazing. Our cottage was tucked away in the riverine forest and impeccably dark at night. I did try to convince Janice that we could make it back without a torch, but she was probably right in persuading me otherwise.

The crowd was a slightly indeterminate white middle-aged mix but one of our more bizarre conversations was with a woman whose home doubles up as a sort of animal shelter. We heard all about her tortoise that eats mangoes, and about her albino duck with a malformed beak which nevertheless gets shagged by the boy ducks. On hearing we didn’t have pets of our own, she extended an invitation to come babysit. Why thank you.

Janice and I caused a bit of a stir, we suspect, Janice being the only non-whitey present and a PhD botanist at that… and the two of us generally not fitting any mould that was familiar to these folk. One man asked us whether we were friends. (Janice and I laughed privately afterwards about who should be whose maid.) We later helped him to change the flat tyre on his Toyota, which really flummoxed anyone who had thought we were city gals from Jo’burg.

On Sunday morning we went to the Bosman cultural centre where we heard poetry readings and some history, whilst hymns and organ music emanated from the NG Kerk (Dutch Reformed Church) next door. But at midday I had to rub my ears because, sure enough, drifting up from somewhere in the middle of Marico Afrikaanerdom was the Muslim call to prayer. It turns out that Janice and I weren’t the only ones to disrupt assumptions that weekend.

From Lagos to Doornfontein

My welcome to humid Lagos included spending 40 mins sans passport at 0430 in the morning -- an immigrations official disappeared with a stack of them for 'processing' of some kind, which involved him actually walking out of the main terminal with all the docs in his hand. In my various third world travels, this was a special and unsettling first. The official, clearly enjoying his regular power kick, refused to give us any information whatsoever, and patronisingly chided us to stay where we were rather than follow him outside, which is what I did.

So there I was, outside the airport, in Lagos, of all places, without a passport, watching this guy saunter off… After being refused re-entry to the immigration section, I realised that the entire planeload of passengers had been similarly deprived. They were all sitting on the luggage conveyor belt, waiting with the sort of acceptance that you only generally see in Africa, no matter what one’s background. We got the passports back in the end. Friends have warned me to look out for my double.

It was a heavy week on the work front, and I didn’t have much time to explore, sadly. That said, Lagos reminds me of Indian cities, actually: sprawling, vibrant with women dressed exquisite print fabrics, and one crazy traffic scene. My visit was for work, so I was sadly confined to sanitised air-conditioned spaces much more than I would have liked…though I have to say that the air-con wasn’t all bad. I enjoyed the Nigerians; they were friendly, welcoming and confident. We sampled local delicacies, including even giant snails cooked with tomato [impressive achievement for my mostly vegetarian self]. Rubbery comes to mind.

I had a surreal evening visit to a bar called Pat’s, much to the horror of a South African journalist friend who knows Lagos well. Pat’s is frequented solely by foreign men and pretty long-legged Nigerian women in 4-inch heels and very miniskirts. This little excursion was followed by an armed escort back to the hotel...I did try to get a photo with the two gunmen in their unbuttoned shirts but they sadly declined.

My return to the airport was also memorable – in the most embarrassing of fashions. Since I was travelling in the early evening, the company security coordinator arranged an armed police escort again. I presumed that, like the night before, this second vehicle would simply follow behind. But no. They drove ahead of us, aggressively hooting, gesturing out the windows and, intermittently, using flashing lights to push the Lagos rush-hour traffic out the way. It was like being in a high-speed car chase, African dictator style. Instead of taking 2.5 hours to get to the airport, we took only one. This was the closest I’ll ever get to being Idi Amin or Robert Mugabe. I was absolutely mortified and hugely grateful for the tinted windows. My driver was sympathetic to my embarrassment, but reassured me, “Don’t worry, this is how they do it in Lagos. Everyone will be wondering who you are.” Oh what comfort.

Anyway, I made it to the sweltering airport in time to queue and be searched multiple times over a 3 hour period. The flight routes to Jo’burg all depart at midnight and arrive in the early morning, and there were no other passengers of my age-race-gender. Not that that’s anything new in my travels. I have to say I was somewhat relieved to step out into the fresh sunrise air of the rand again.

This past Saturday afternoon I went on a historic tour of Doornfontein in downtown Jo’burg, run by the Westcliff Heritage group, in a large and cumbersome bus. The whole thing was bordered on surreal, in a sort of amusing fashion. My friend and I were basically the youngest on the bus by quite a long way, he was the only black guy, and my java print skirt looked positively loud next to all the floral cottons.

The tour was four hours long, believe it or not, with only one disembarkation at an old curtain rail factory, still functioning, and which still has the defunct apartheid racially-segregated signs above the toilets: “Bantu Males”, “European Males”, “European Females”, and so on. Quite extraordinary. We saw all sorts – synagogues, factories, transport depots, a crumbling mayor’s house, the ridge behind the Ponte tower, theatres, mosques, old wells, and more. Really quite fascinating, though best done when tired or hungover, I’d say. We ate delicious pizza at Ant’s in Melville afterwards and watched the full moon rise.

It’s a hundred days till the World Cup, the newspapers shout out. I’ve been on radio a few times talking about search trends and the new stadiums -- oh the random things I've ended up doing. The evenings are warm and borderline sultry, and the mornings are starting to cool a little. I’m determined to start Zulu lessons soon. It’s already been way too long. Oh, and the worms have survived, by the way, so the wormery lives on after all.